February 2010 ~ amanda carmichael

feeling worn

it is Friday, I am very happy it is here and currently feeling worn like my red trench coat. I have some frayed lining, just like my coat. Tired to the point where all the parts are showing wear, marked and dirty on the edges. I have exhausted myself this week trying to work out how I can make my big dreams happen, trying to think think and think and as so often happens my thinking has got me nowhere new. My thinking got me here. I am trying to tap into my instinct but it seems to be blocked it has no signal that I can here right now.

one of my dreams

my Grandad built a house down the coast at Broulee we all went to it for years. It holds lots of great memories. Right now the thought on sunshine and fresh and air and beaches is so appealing. Someone else, another family has the pleasure of going there but one day I dream of buying the home back. It is a straight away purchase if the lottery comes my way and if life in its twists and turns give me money it will be on my list.

View Larger Map

I got excited when I realised I could see it on google maps, but no street view and on a distant shot. The beach looks as great as I remember but who knows what it is like anymore. Is it still full of the general variety of fibro holiday houses? Will the ice cream at the milk bar still taste as good?

inspired by Chris Ofili

today I went to see the the Chris Ofili retrospective at the Tate Britain with my lovely friend Mat and it was uplifting, joyous and great fun. His work which I had only previously seen in pictures had not been done justice, yet I already had the sense that his work would be wonderful to see. Walking through the retrospective was super great, his work is luminous, physcially beautiful, fun and so interesting as objects themselves (he uses glitter, bright acrylics, elephant dung as wel as tradational materials). I was very good I didn't buy the book and it makes me super excited that catching the train to Tate Liverpool (my first ever visit to Liverpool) to see Afro Modern next week.

His paintings are so tactile and they make me want to paint even though at the moment I am exploring other stuff. Seeing the exhibition today reminds me of why I fell in love with art, this happened when i first opened up the Gustav Klimt book when I was 15 and bought it with the book voucher I received for winning an an award at school.

my first sculpture

the making of my first sculpture was difficult. We were directed to make movement, a clay marquette (the first images). Then a block of mahogany and carving tools that I had never used before. End of hours of labour and now directed to chop it up and make a sculpture that exaggerates original concept. I took to my sculpture with a hammer and chisel and split it in to many pieces lots of fun, then all of a sudden many many pieces and no idea how to put it back together. It is finished, it was hard work, several injuries later there is something on our bookshelf and some abstract photos and I am quietly pleased.

the place where I come from

Sometimes I get really homesick thinking of the place I came from. The place that lives within me and my skin, bones. It is place of bright sunshine and big, bright and loud people. Living in London gives the perspective that Australia is a shangri-la a country that is magic and lost divine place. I know it isn't that, in fact it probably won't live up to my memories and it certainly will feel small and far away from the world when I return. But it is home and I miss it.

My identity is Australian and I do have an ancestry in the UK but it feels like ancestry and history and not me. I have dark hair, people ask what my heritage is and I say Australian most ask no but what else. To me I am Australian a mongrel and mix of lots and everything and nothing. I don't have a country I can put my dark hair too. My Dad has my dark crazy curly hair so do I.

Somehow some kitsch Australiana is starting to creep into my art and I want to explore it. It doesn't work with my tube pictures but I have still placed it together a bit like me really. I will see how it evolves.

Circle Line 10th Feb 2010

Circle Line 10th Feb 2010
Originally uploaded by amandajaynecarmichael

Back to the sketchbook, oh the joy of rediscovery i can draw i can capture a moment of life. This was only a skill acquired by me at the beginning of 2009 and it still shocks me sometimes when I move the pen across that page and something comes out.

The sketchbook has sat still in my bag for quite a while, it came out last night to be loved by me. I promise I won't ignore you lovely sketchbook my zumi obesession won't take over completely.

Inspiration from Summer Pierre

Truism # 6
Originally uploaded by summerpierre
All credits for this image Summer Pierre

Last night I had a mini melt down a crisis of 'what am I doing! I don't like my new day job! holy shit I am in this place again. If I want to have children my time is running out.' It was the angry, cry, emote variety where the boy looked perplexed and asked 'What happened at work today?'. Well nothing specific happened at my new day job in fact I had a very positive and healthy day that included a miracle of Monday morning gym session. It was triggered by watching an inspiring Podcast talk by Eve Ensler on TED talks, I would recommend but beware it has a power. Anyway I then thought what am i doing I am not doing enough I want more out of my life hearing all these wonderful stories about potent women I know I want to do more. It was a crisis for an hour and at the end I was laughing the boy patiently listened, offered to move back to Australia (this wasn't the answer I wanted) and after listening something moved and I was ok. I know in my heart I am not in the job of my dreams and I want to feel good about what I do. I know I can make a difference but it isn't enough anymore and then I get really stuck about money and being responsible. I know I have choices but I limit myself. As always I am a big work in progress and I just need to keep riding the weather.

Today in my lunchtime respite, I found the image that I have includedin this post and it reminded me of last night's crazy meltdown. It made me smile and laugh and gave me a crazy sense of hope. The image is from a new discovery of mine Summmer Pierre's blog.

Important note: Summer has a new book that I have added to my wishlist The Artist in the Office

wonderful resources from the big wide weird and wacky web

well over the last year I have gathered resources that inspire my creating, making and learning via the web and I thought it was about time I share them

great inspiration

W magazine

Flickr

the impossible project

great e-courses

Mondo Beyondo - An online class about dreaming big, with Andrea Scher and Jen Lemen

Sark - Awesome anytime adventures

Unravelling

great places to do courses in London

City Lit

Designer Courses

The Make Lounge

some of my fav blogs

Ink On My Fingers

Kelly Rae Roberts

Semi Precious Salvage

Monday magic

PICT0435 - beauty in the shadows taken by the zumi at Blarney castle
Originally uploaded by amandajaynecarmichael from flickr

i am not one for Mondays and I am particularly growling in the early mornings but somehow today I got up and went to the gym before work (Though I do think the boy has a few scars from it.) I was disciplined because I was meant to be having a personal training session at 7am. The personal trainer never did turn up but I just did a workout and reflected that I can actually manage to do this. I enjoy being at my desk about to start my day job having already done something great for myself. I even stepped on the scales to get a reality check while I was there, it wasn't pretty and amazingly I am not in my usual craziness about it I am calm and it gives me more resolve to be committed to going back to my healthy habits and adding in some exercise. Somehow in the shadows on a grey and dreary Monday morning in London I have found some magic.

now for the exercise

well seeing it is my new year this month I am starting the exercise thing. Now I haven't done exercise for 2 years (oh my lord did I say that out loud) when i write it down I realise how ridiculous it is. I don't count exercise as the dash for the tube or the train. In fairness to myself as I live in London without a car I do plenty of walking....
but nothing that really raises my hearbeat. Commuting killed my exercise or even thoughts and so now that commuting is off the hobby list, exercise is coming on to it. I have 4 months of membership and I crazily I have committed to going 20 times in 8 weeks as a jump start. My main aim at the moment is just to get back into exercise and to super charge my life out of the remains of the Jan blues. Eventually and ultimately I would like my jeans to be a little less tight and loss the Christmas Goose I am carrying around but that is all secondary really.

So tomorrow I am off to the gym near work before hand and then a quick walk to work. In the summer I plan to be brave and try cycling to work and so a little fitness will help with the crazy plan. Then I may swap the gym for a cute and love bicycle with a basket!

Image: Victorian ladt dressed for exercise - thanks to lovedaylemon on flickr for the photo check out her photostream for more victorian images.

ps. I may even take the zumi for some silliness and entertainment not to take pictures of the people but hopefully there will be some other moments to capture

February is the new January - this is my new year

I have finally passed through my January blues coma and starting to finally feel like myself again. Febraury is the new Janaury and Iam just starting my new year, 2010 so brand new. So I am excited about all the adventures this year will bring. I have so many dreams and wishes I want to hold onto, to breathe life into. Time goes so quickly and who could imagine I would be living in London and living the life I live. Not me! I am very grateful for my life and the blessings it has. I super grateful that I have got out of my funk and have my enthusiasm back. YEAH!

amanda carmichael