embracing what you don't like

i shared in post the other day that I don't like how flowers keep turning up in my paintings. It started after I read Margaret Olley's autobiography (which I loved, an australian painter). So Sunday without any caution I embraced what I don't like and just painted and here is what came out.



i am putting it out into the world. I don't want to be someone who paints flowers but then sometimes what we resist becomes bigger. So I am not resisting anymore.


so then my dislike for what feels like teenage self involvement started to be brought out in my painting.



you can't help but laugh, who knows where I will go now.

my room

this week work has sucked the life out of me and I am very happy to be sitting here on Saturday morning inspired by the 3days of weekend that stretch in front of me, time in my own space. Last night started with Jasper's birthday at a french restaurant in soho and now I wake make myself a a good coffee and be in my room

the place I live now in London is the first time I have ever had a dedicated space to making, my very own room that lives and breathes me. It has my lovely mac photos of my lovely peeps that live near and faraway, postcards of art that inspires, piles of books I am using for reference at current time........and at the moment stacks of paintings and materials out and about from some frenzied making last weekend. Looking at the photo Lawrence took last weekend while I was painting I realised how crazy it is right now. (I have also included some photos when it was fresh and new!) So today it is time for a organise while I move into the next phase. I start my fine arts course in 2 weeks and new phase

anyway first step, sort out my lovely space maybe put some news works out in the apartment do some reviewing and then clear the decks. Maybe even take all photos down and print some new photos of my peeps. It is my birthday soon so I guess I am starting to think of how this new age will be different, what do I want it to be full of ? Is there stuff I am currently doing that I would like to change to a new place and new habit.

so many big questions at the moment. What is art? What do I want mine to be about? Is it personal expression of my own dilemmas or the stuff that bothers me from the big bad world? I have much to say about so much, where do I begin. I don't want to be a just smart intelligent art for the educated... I have had a flash...I am going to start creating a wall of what i want it to be.... I will keep you posted.

p.s did I say I love+love my room, it is white with a skylight full of sun when London smiles. The only thingI dream of adding is a big arm chair for reading and contemplating.

yes-no I don't do these sort of images

as some would say having an issue get a tissue.... and this one is taking up more than the tissue. This is the mixed media image I made on Sunday. It works and I am pleasantly surprised by it. It includes some etching prints on tissue paper from last year, incorporates my newly discovered technique of printing with images from the inkjet printer with gel medium, along with painting and drawing. Everything I love really, it was great fun to do. But part of me doesn't want these images to work I want my other my considered, planned paintings that feel heavier with meaning to come together in this way. This feels light and airy and light with purpose and meaning.

This isn't pleasing me, it is troubling me, hence my issue.

long way from home

I am feeling a long way from home at the moment. I haven't felt home sickness since April but this week it is with me much. Missing the people I love and hanging out in the Australian sunshine and being ridiculous and silly, I am missing.....
Drinking too many coffees and being with my awesome friends. Seeing my nephews important soccer games. Seeing my sister's delight on her birthday when we gave her a coffee machine. Being there to hold my Nan's hand after she had a fall.

I know being in London is still the best thing for me right now, but i still have moments.

inspired by Hazel

last week I had a hiatus as my day job took over. I am currently juggling two different roles and it takes up all my brain and creative capacity during the mon-fri week. It has been very sad to loose the hours I have gained lately creating in the evening. I have promised myself that I will put in a killer week at work this week just to get over some hurdles and then I am going back to my routine that I have developed. I don't want to be sucked into the work vortex.

i did spend hours at the tate on Saturday afternoon after a lovely breakfast at Lantana with the boy and Joe + Jane. I finally joined the tate and so visited Per Kirkeby again and wandered through the futurism exhibition. Sunday I worked on a ongoing work and somehow finished it for now. I have included the image, it feels brave to do it but I will.

in all of this Hazel Dooney an Australian artist I discovered only a few short weeks ago, her blog keeps me going. Her honesty and sharing I love. She blogs daily which feels like a respite even when I am being a business analyst or customer relationship marketing manager (depending on the day or hour).

the comic of creating

lots of stuff stuck on my wall inspired and developing something. At the moment it feels a little bit teenager, so self involved I guess. Will share more when it has developed into the possibility it is holding.

queuing for art

Sunday we had an adventure we drove in lawrence's new love (streetcar) to Bristol with Brett & TJ. It was a road trip to see Banksy vs Bristol Museum. (I am a exhibition vulture so I was very keen.) We did get up at an ungodly hour on a Sunday pre-6am but we still stood in a queue for hours. When I say hours I mean just over 3! Check out that photo with the queue which also extended around into another road.

So was it worth it? yes and no. I really enjoyed the exhibition and he is a great smart arse. He pokes lots of fun at the establishment and our human habits. His approach makes you laugh and smile but it hasn't changed my life. I did love the approach to the exhibit in taking over the whole museum and the main installation was great. It is a very accessible show and it is great to see so many people from different places visiting Bristol to see art. That in my eyes makes it a big success.

The highlight was that I currently live in a country that queues for art - I am 99% sure that would never happen in Australia.

UPDATE - check out my friend Brett's blog with Banksy Vs Bristol Museum with lots of photos and even silly video of us in the queue. It is a great post.

source of frustration found, my brain

I have been feeling very frustrated with my creations of late. I haven't felt a buzz when I complete them, which is v.unusual. I have kept going hoping that it would pass. Usually I prosper when I create but instead recently at the end a day in the studio I would get to a horrid point(see Sunday post). Anyway on Sunday evening, I decided to stop what I was working on and start having fun with watercolours and I created a self portrait of how I was feeling. As I was sketching and then painting the magic started to come back I could feel light and fun arriving. So I continued, curious of what was happening.

I completed the watercolour and I felt my usual sense of calm and joy. It then inspired me to use watercolours to piece I had paused on earlier. As I finished that painting I had a BFO(for those unfamiliar with the term, blinding flash of the obvious), I was trying to be smart. I had caught the London bug, intelligent work, meaning something, not obvious or personal or trite, working hard at my ideas and tube sketches. Trying to MAKE something happen. Basically my work had become interesting but meant nothing to me. I wasn't excited to paint it, the 'product dragon' had gripped tight.

Since then I have had a great sense of delight and peace again. I have started another painting, which I am so excited about creating that I wake up inspired to paint the next part. I have stuck lots of bits of my life in it. Who knows if it will work out but I certainly have enjoyed the process again. And so I continue to work on letting go of being 'interesting' and continue with what inspires me.

Once again my brain and thinking had got in the way. I feel like I need to tattoo 'stop thinking' on the end of my nose so I don't forget. Anyway I may revisit this place again or not, but for now I am through to the other side and super grateful.

AJx

more from the sketch book

the thing that is working is my sketching on the tube, i have included my favourite from the past few weeks. I started to develop into some paint studies that may or may not turn into something.

still working on that idea

So it is Sunday and I have spent the whole day making. Somehow I am still in the frustrated place, not really sure what is happening. Most importantly I just keep working with it and hopefully, maybe I may get through it.

To be fair I have had a few good moments, why do the hard ones stay with us more. I have attached is a photograph that expresses what I mean.

I have been contemplating much for the last week, what is all the art stuff about. Am I making art? I know I feel compelled to do it. But for what ends? Do I want to be a 'great artist' or will I be content with the painting and making process and want nothing more? As typical maybe I am just thinking and analysing too much.

Ok getting out of my brain, I went to Classified at the Tate Britain. I really enjoyed the show there were two pieces that were extremely enjoyable:
The Chapman Family Collection 2002
By Jake Chapman born 1966 Dinos Chapman born 1962
+
Tate Thames Dig 1999
by Mark Dion born 1961

I was also delighted by the two Fiona Rae paintings. The show was about how we see the world and how we understand it. It felt pertinent for me and my struggle to get some conceptual understanding of what is important to me about art.