I have been feeling very frustrated with my creations of late. I haven't felt a buzz when I complete them, which is v.unusual. I have kept going hoping that it would pass. Usually I prosper when I create but instead recently at the end a day in the studio I would get to a horrid point(see Sunday post). Anyway on Sunday evening, I decided to stop what I was working on and start having fun with watercolours and I created a self portrait of how I was feeling. As I was sketching and then painting the magic started to come back I could feel light and fun arriving. So I continued, curious of what was happening.
I completed the watercolour and I felt my usual sense of calm and joy. It then inspired me to use watercolours to piece I had paused on earlier. As I finished that painting I had a BFO(for those unfamiliar with the term, blinding flash of the obvious), I was trying to be smart. I had caught the London bug, intelligent work, meaning something, not obvious or personal or trite, working hard at my ideas and tube sketches. Trying to MAKE something happen. Basically my work had become interesting but meant nothing to me. I wasn't excited to paint it, the 'product dragon' had gripped tight.
Since then I have had a great sense of delight and peace again. I have started another painting, which I am so excited about creating that I wake up inspired to paint the next part. I have stuck lots of bits of my life in it. Who knows if it will work out but I certainly have enjoyed the process again. And so I continue to work on letting go of being 'interesting' and continue with what inspires me.
Once again my brain and thinking had got in the way. I feel like I need to tattoo 'stop thinking' on the end of my nose so I don't forget. Anyway I may revisit this place again or not, but for now I am through to the other side and super grateful.
AJx
0 comments:
Post a Comment