the difference between doing and thinking about it

the last 6 days have been a staycation, actually they have been a making and working holiday. Spending all possible moments working on my etsy store and Splendidly Imperfect World creations except for adventures to see friends and the gym. 6 days of working at being and living my creative dream. It has been so different to my imagined version of it. On reflection I have been struck by the difference between doing and thinking about it. I had for many years imagined what it would be like to make my splendidly imperfect creations and it was a joyous event full of fun and laughter and creation. In reality it was a lot more like work.

Read between the lines I have between procrastinating a tremendous amount so it had been built up a lot in my head!

The adventure of following my dreams is scary, putting something out into the world and waiting to see what happens is confronting. This is escpecially so when i have been thinking, planning, dreaming and hatching for 5 years. OUCH reality hurts! Oh it would all be so wonderful and secretly I hoped that magically it would unfold all too easily.

Thank goodness I have had the sanity and wisdom of my friends of whom many are going after their dreams. So when I start to discuss it they understand. I am also super lucky that the boy has propped me up when i was ready to fall over with the fear and insecurity and my thinking that gets in the way. So reduce the hurdle of my thinking and to be more about the doing I am going to give this dream 12months without making any decisions. Spending at least 1 hour per day working towards making it happen. This doesn't mean I won't falter, or hate it or love it or do more is just not an option to evaluate. I am way too good at evaluating options and double guessing myself (also good at running away in realtion to things I really care about).

Part of me wants to kick myself for not doing this sooner but I know that it won't help and I am working practicing kindness to self. The worst case scenario is I find out that it isn't something to pursure and the good thing is I will never die wondering. I am seriously investing in doing, not thinking and fingers crossed only good can come from this.

ps. For all those going after creative dreams of one shape or another Hugh MacLeod is a wonderful writer and philosopher about these pursuits he even gives great reality checks which i find somewhat comforting. He made me laugh out loud which I always apprecitate. Check out his website Gaping Void and his book 'Ignore Everybody'.