Integration

PICT0197
Originally uploaded by amandajaynecarmichael

Being a integrated human being is something that I strive for as I can so easily be segment myself. I can be different for different people and different siutations. It is an old habit that I have been trying to loose but it so often revisits in a big way. I have many passions and I have a day job my art even splits into two different streams and so at the moment I feel too fragmented. I just want to be myself and not have separate parts of me hanging off the side (well that is how it feels).

Walking around on Saturday I saw the blossom tree and the road sign, I want to be a bit more like that even if it is showing my utiliatrian useful self next to sweeter blossoms. I know that the only one that can give me persmission to do this is myself and my own thinking and beliefs can be my greatest enemy.

I learnt abouot being myself when I went and studied counselling, I learnt to take risks to dress like a way that felt like me and make decisions from instinct. I did what made me happy and life unfolded in great ways. I feel a distant from that now, even though I do have moments where I am whole and myself it seems to easily slip and I yearn to be there again and to live with a level of personal freedom that comes with it.